Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Recruiting for my Anti-Germ Army (Bear Cavalry)

This might be useful if you have a friend or family member looking for a great domestic gig:


Recruiting for my Anti-Germ Army

Reply to: gigs-601719631@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-03-10, 11:52AM PDT

I am looking for strong individuals willing to put their health on the line. My girlfriend (yes, she's hawt) is in a constant state of failing health and I am looking to take down the army of germs at the root of the problem. I will be blunt. We are facing an army of thousands, possibly millions. Its like Lord of the Rings except hobbits aren't allowed in my army. You will only be armed with your strength, intelligence and a Super Soaker full of Lysol. If you excel in using the provided weaponry then I may consider promoting you to the bear cavalry branch. Science has proven that even germs fear the almighty bear, its a fact. Also, they can wear armor. If you have prior experience riding bears while handling super soakers filled with chemicals then please mention that in your attached application. Keep in mind that we are not at war against all germs. A good candidate should be able to determine which germs are hostile in order to prevent any civilian casualties. If you are concerned about the legitimacy of this army then you need to shut up. Congress is already working on a bill that will raise taxes to provide enough funds to increase the amount of bears being imported from Canada by nearly 10%. The money gathered from taxation will also be used to construct a bubble around our defenses to further protect my girlfriend. It will also be used to purchase our high tech training equipment which will consist of Nintendo GameCubes with the game Super Mario Sunshine playing. We chose Super Mario Sunshine because most of the game involves spraying goo with water (which you can pretend is lysol).

Some questions to ask yourself:
Do the current branches of military bore you?
Did the movie 300 make you want to face impossible odds of your own?
Ever since you first played Mario, have you wanted to protect a damsel in distress?
Are you proficient with a Super Soaker, possibly the kind that that has two tanks you strap to your back?
Is your immune system an unstoppable force? If no, are you prepared to sacrifice your life?
Do bears scare you?
Do you have a tendency to smell like meat?
Are you able to easily distinguish good bacteria from harmful bacteria or viruses without the use of a microscope?

If you answered yes, or even possibly maybe to all of (or just one) of the questions above, then please send your application and we will consider drafting you to possibly the most elite army ever assembled. This could be you!

Only the strong need apply.
• Location: Redmond
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: no pay

PostingID: 601719631

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